What's important about my husband and son, is not that they died, but that they lived, that for a time they lit up the world around them. I think about them every day and how much they loved me and I them. Their love is what gives me the strength to keep going, that and my remaining children and grandchild. Both husband and son were so positive, smiling and making other people smile. When I'm feeling down, I think of that and sometimes it lifts me, and sometimes not. I try not to cry because it doesn't help, and I have some crazy idea that it upsets them if I do, and I don't want to upset them. I try to be as happy as they wanted me to be, not always easy, but I count my blessings, and think of how very fortunate I was to have been such an important part of the lives of those two beautiful men.