Sometimes it all seems so unreal that I think I'm going to leave this alternate reality and everything will be as it was. My beautiful son is still alive, my lovely husband is here with me and all is well with the world. Except that it isn't, and without those two, it is never going to be. I know they wanted all to be well with my world without them, and I have really striven to make it so, but it's just too difficult. Although my son's death was the worst thing, my husband's is the one that has really changed my life. After all, I'd been with the man for over thirty years, and I never, never imagined that I would be the one left. I can't get used to it, and I'm beginning to doubt I ever will.
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lyndlj
- 2006-09-21 @ 00:18:52
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evilmomlady
- 2006-09-21 @ 00:55:47
Thank you, Lynd. I know you understand, and I often think of you. I have to find a way of dealing with this. Just sometimes I want to say, enough already, enough, I want to go back to how it was. I appreciate though that there is no going back.
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You learn to live with it, to hide the pain and just take it out every so often. Not because you want to punish yourself for still continuing to live,but because sometimes you need to release it for a while. It is hard learning that this is the real world and not some extended nightmare you will wake from and all will be as it was, but you will get there, and that is the hardest part of all.