Sometimes it all seems so unreal that I think I'm going to leave this alternate reality and everything will be as it was. My beautiful son is still alive, my lovely husband is here with me and all is well with the world. Except that it isn't, and without those two, it is never going to be. I know they wanted all to be well with my world without them, and I have really striven to make it so, but it's just too difficult. Although my son's death was the worst thing, my husband's is the one that has really changed my life. After all, I'd been with the man for over thirty years, and I never, never imagined that I would be the one left. I can't get used to it, and I'm beginning to doubt I ever will.