I've been watching the programme about Stephen Fry and how he has coped with being Bi-polar. Watching that programme has answered a question that I've been unable to find the answer to properly until now. It has at last put all the pieces in place for me, and has provided the answer as to the reason for my son's death. I didn't know enough (or even really anything much) about Bi-polarity to see that this is what was affecting my son's life. He couldn't live with it any more and he killed himself. It's not that I didn't notice his strange behaviour because I did, and I sought medical advice twice during his childhood, only to be told that it was normal, he would 'grow out of it'. It wasn't, and he didn't. He sought medical help himself later, but wasn't diagnosed, was just offered anti-depressants and decided to try and deal with it himself rather than take medication. It's strange how often this illness affects the beautiful and the clever. He was beautiful and he was clever and he was sensitve and he loved me (and the rest of his family) very much and I miss him, and if we'd known what it was, and if we'd managed to get it treated, he could have still been here. Or not. I do know of other young people who were treated, and they still killed themselves. The hard thing is, he didn't want to die, he loved life so much, but he just couldn't live with this terrible condition and what it was doing to him any more.
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