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I had hoped that this blog whilst reflecting my grief, would also be something that is positive. Unfortunately, whilst it does the former to some extent, it fails to be the latter. Try as I might, and believe me, I do try, I just can't get into a positive frame of mind for more than a day or so at a time, and even those days are very infrequent. Both my son and husband were very positive people who didn't want me to spend my life grieving, and for them and for my daughters and my grandchild, I want to look forward. I want to look forward, but somehow I can't. The grief, although not always the weeping sort, washes over me constantly. I think of the smiling faces of those two men and their energy should carry me forward, but it doesn't, and I don't know why. It seems that the things that once brought me comfort no longer do so. I want it to change. I WANT IT TO CHANGE.